Jumping Ship

Ripon has been ill served by it's local paper for some time now. Devoid as it is of any attempt at investigative journalism, the local rag seems content to publish endless photographs of pubescent schoolgirls wiggling their little tits at the camera at the loathsomely ubiquitous  'school proms' which have slithered into our consciousness courtesy of our equally abhorrent 'special relationship'. Interspersed between the adolescent cleavage are the tedious platitudes of assorted 'Mare's Diaries' where we learn how delighted they are, how much they have enjoyed, how they are looking forward to, but not, we notice, what they have achieved.
There are, of course some reasonably significant issues to tackle in this town, but now the news hounds have jumped ship and doggy paddled for all they're worth to the more genteel shores of 'Harrow-gate', better known as Betty's, we can, I suppose, only expect more of the same trivial tosh we've been subjected to for the past couple of years.

At £1.20 you might think the Ripon Gazette represents pretty poor value for money........and you may well be right!

The world's worst nightclub?

What do these two buildings have in common other than they have remained empty for an age - in the case of Azores - years?

Could it be that they are unfortunate enough to be in close proximity to this blot on the landscape?

Who in their right mind would open a restaurant opposite the Matrix?

Busy Errr.......

Ripon Mare & crooner Andrew (ANDY) Williams and his backing group, The Serviettes were in concert in the town hall last night and although no-one attended, (Andy) said 'It a huge success and everyone enjoyed themselves and I wore my chain and my furry collar and I polished my shoes and parked in my special parking place on the market square which is only for me because I'm the Mare of Ripon and when you are impotent you have to look impotent. I stand at the front because I'm the most impotent and the Serviettes stand a bit behind me. I've got a hat as well'.

After the flop of his 'Greatest Hits album three years ago (Andy's) latest release 'Busy Doin' Nothing Again' is set to sell four copies and go plastic. You can snap up your copy at the pound shop remainder bin.

FOUL. FOUL! Addendum to 'Plod Says Non' (16th July)

Following the barring of several campaigners (Harbinger included) from posting, or indeed receiving posts from their @RiponPolice Twitter page, the eponymous plod have now asked: "Would it be useful to hold an online meeting about Ripon city centre issues".  Ha! So this is what they mean by 'public consultation'.

Shame

Rebekah Brooks says she's shocked and dismayed to find herself charged in the wake of the Leveson enquiry........NOBODY ELSE IS LOVE!

New Dawn

The day breaks oe'r yonder hill and I must make haste and be about the daily grind.

This distant view of our absurd little town from my humble abode, an outsiders view if you like, only serves to clarify and magnify its faults and foibles. It's a town of taxi driver mentality, ruled over and shat upon by the old order of puffed up nepotists for whom change is anathema; reported upon and held to account by no-one.
Williams, Bateman, Skidmore, Horton, Hawke et al have stood in the path of progress for so long that we have become blind to it, and now the inertia, the acceptance of status quo, has insinuated itself into all aspects of political and commercial life. Even the silly, timid shopkeepers are afraid to attempt anything that hasn't been tried and failed before.
It may be that the ills that afflict this little town are simply a reflection of the greater ills that dog the country as a whole, but is that a reason to continue stumbling drunkenly down a blind alley?
We must get rid of the old order before anything can move forward. They have the gaul to continue to put themselves up for election so vote the buggers out at the earliest opportunity - we will all be the better for it.

Traffic Light Downhill

In an effort to solve the perennial parking problem in Ripon, Harrogate Borough Council have hit upon an ingenious idea: it involves almost no planning and indeed no thought process whatsoever, which is fortunate as our beloved (sic) council is woefully inept on both fronts. The great thing about this plan is that it is all inclusive, in that you end up parking even if you don't want to. Yes, it's the brilliant introduction of a jolly, flashing array of traffic lights. We used to have a hill here in Ripon almost universally known as 'Traffic Light Hill' - a redundant nomenclature now since EVERY hill and junction has its own set of Blinking Blight Lights.

This innovative solution to Ripon's parking problem has been remarkably successful and you can now park almost anywhere in Ripon without fear of getting a ticket and it's FREE! One of the most successful of the new parking areas is that on North Street where you can remain for weeks without having to worry about being moved on by a green light:

But of course you have plenty of choice:

Traffic lights take our eyes off the road. They make us stop when it's safe to go. They cause congestion and needless delay. They outlaw discretion, defy common sense, encourage speeding and license aggression. They waste fuel, deface streetscapes and pollute the air. They cost the Earth to install and run. By contrast, when lights are out of action, courtesy thrives and congestion dissolves.

Woof Woof Zzzzzzzz

Apparently the 'Same Tired Rabble of Impotent Politicos (STRIP) is in the running for the second round of the 'Portas Pilot' scheme, so it looks like we may well be in for another comedy video..... If you didn't see the last one click this link - laugh? Harbinger's pants are still on the line!
Not only did the presenters of this 'docu/comedy/flic' look as though they had died some months ago and had subsequently been stuffed for the occasion, but the ideas promulgated were at best misguided and at worst ludicrous.
They wouldn't dream of using the same video again would they? Do you think? NO!

Judith Donovan CBE barks at the camera like a demented bulldog, yapping about the tragic loss to the town of multiples such as Curry's and the much esteemed Bon Marche?!? Then wistfully dribbles on about a new Tesco store opening in Harrogate - Oh woe! If only WE could have another supermarket!!
One of the best, and most curious moments is when Ms Donovan informs us that we are now calling ourselves: 'North Yorkshire's Capital of Culture & City of Celebration'. She's serious ffs; a city less stuffed with culture would be hard to find!!
The then Lord Mare, Coun' Mick Stanley sidles on and gurns at us from the urine scented alley leading to Ripon's retail saviour, 'Booths' which he tells us will be painted with scenes from Lewis Carroll stories.....They'll look lovely Mick; especially when they've been 'enhanced' by the young folk of the town (bless their little hearts) and the town's wildlife (sorry - I've already mentioned them) have pissed all over them.
What a shame Ripon crooner Andrew (Andy) Williams wasn't in office at the time; he, and his backing group,The Serviettes could have sung the theme tune.
STRIP was, we're told, set up 3 years ago to tackle Ripon's economic regeneration. One wonders in which millennia they were thinking of bringing this about because Harbinger has seen precious little evidence of it thus far!

Plod Says Non!

All kicking off on Twitter where plod puts his size fifteen down, shoves his fingers in his ears and says "I'm not listening, La la la la la la la la la la la la".

Several Tweeters including at least one local trader and the mysterious 'Ripon Re-generator' have been banned from posting on the Ripon police Twitter page...... 'It must be because they were giving abuse', you might think to yourself, but non!
Now, plod is quite happy to use the medium to tell us how we should be driving, how much we should be drinking and when. They are quite happy to promulgate their own agenda and yet when deficiencies  in their policing of the city are pointed out to them with a little tongue in cheek humour, both bat and ball are snatched away and whisked home to the station with a stamp of the foot and a 'yah boo sucks'.
Here's something for them to ponder: If you join in with social media then you must abide by the unwritten rules of that media - you must be willing to take the rough with the smooth - to accept a certain amount of friendly criticism where criticism is due. GROW UP PLOD!

P.S. Harbinger is pleased to say he too is one of the outcasts. In the words of the great Woolfie Smith:

POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!

Having A Lovely Time

Ripon crooner and Lord Mare, Andrew (Andy) Williams, has been informing the world (well, the Ripon Gazette reader) that he's having a lovely time dressing up and going to things. He's been to concerts & tea parties, tombolas & scout jamborees. He's been at pirate parties and he's done a bit of standing on the market square; and all this, on our behalf! he has, he informs his reader, been to meetings too......Well whoopdidoodle!
What Harbinger would like to hear about is accomplishment, implementation, achievements, successes; even some failures. ACTION is what we want to hear about, not tea parties. There's a hell of a lot to do in this town before anyone can pat themselves on the back and march up and down in self congratulation.
Did he read, one wonders, the article by the sweet and fragrant Katharine Viner in the Gruaniad? Did he consider that it might be he and his cronies who are "giving the word 'civic' a bad name"? One suspects not - Does my arse look big in this?

So just as Nero fiddled while Rome went up in smoke, (Andy) fiddles with himself whilst Ripon sinks.

The Shit's about to hit the fan (Andy) so stand WELL clear!

Reasons to be cheerful (Part 2)

Eccentric and a little old fashioned, Benson's is another long established business in Ripon. You can buy a box of nails, a screw, wellington boots, a door stop, a fishing rod, one of those things for the end of a walking stick and you get a bit of banter whilst you're at it. Let's not exchange it for a DIY store!

HBC Sued By Grieving Parents

The 'parking in Kirkgate' issue is gathering momentum over on Twitter with a deal of 're-tweeting' going on and the local constabibulary joining in (if only to sit precariously on the fence). So far as I can tell, the council have not as yet deigned to reply but that kind of arrogance seems to be their default position.

So....Here's the sign, and it seems pretty clear doesn't it? PEDESTRIAN ZONE and NO WAITING AT ANY TIME.

Surprisingly, this doesn't mean 'except when I want to pick up me Chinky' or 'I'm an overweight taxi driver so I can go where I please'.

The summer holidays are on their way and soon the restaurants of Kirkgate will be busy with holidaymakers. Picture the scene: An early evening restaurant. A middle class family (Guardian readers). The children finish eating and are fidgeting and restless so they are allowed into the safe, cobbled and pedestrianised street to play.

10 minutes go by and then there is a screeching noise and a sickening thud. Silence. Sound of running. A car door slams. Shrieking.

Caught on camera below, is a graphic demonstration of how close we have already come to this scenario being tragically played out. These children ran out from between parked cars and were almost hit by the driver who slammed his brakes on in time.

The outcome is not hard to imagine is it folks: one dead or seriously injured child and two very VERY angry, middle class, Guardian reading parents looking to sue the ass of anyone found to be

NEGLIGENT 

First port of call for their London lawyers: Yep; you guessed it; Harrogate Borough Council and OUCH! That's going to be some compensation claim

Second visit I suspect would be our friendly constabibulary who would also appear to have failed in their duties.

The solution is simplicity itself of course:

Enforce the pedestrian zone