Meet The Town Hall Mob No 3 - Unc Powell

Who is he?

Town Hall Mob 'member' and perfumier to (Andy) (Cornetto Kid) Williams

What does he do?

Agrees with (Andy).

The Interview:

Harb: Could you tell us……..

Unc: "AIN'T NO LAW-MAN around here gonna tell ma-boy (Andy) what to do; no sir Bub. (Andy) sez what he likes and I likes what he sez. Now some folks have been a sayin he's taken sup'n what don't belong to him and ah say whatever the boy wants, the boy can have. Some folks have bin sayin the kid shouldn't be on this ere council thing and ah say what the hot diggety dang has it got to do with them? This is OUR council and don't you forget it. We aint gonna stand for no greenhorn from east of Gallows Hill telling us what we can and can't do, no sireee, an if'n ah want to wipe (Andy's) bottom with my nose then aint nothin gonna stop me……less'n a course Ma gets there first.
So let's get this straight right now: WE run this town and what (Andy) sez goes; if ya don't like it then we gonna run ya outa town".

Meet The Town Hall Mob No 2

Pa McHardy

Who is he?

Hit man for the Town Hall Mob

What's his Modus operandi?

Jumping up and down and shouting a lot when he's had a few (he has a nasty line in dribbling too).

Distinguishing Features

He appears to have Tourette's Syndrome.

The Interview

Harb: 'So Pa: how are you enjoying life as the Mare's consort?'

Pa: Ooo are you callin a fookin conshort you fookin coont? Sorry Ma.

Harb: I simply meant…….

Pa: Ah'll fookin kill ya, ah'll fookin blow ya away ya fookin coont. Sorry Ma.

Harb: Pa - could I ask if you see Ma serving a second term?

Pa: Second fookin term? She's not been found guilty yet you fookin coont. Sorry Ma. Sorry Ma.

Harb: I meant second incumbency as Mare.

Pa: Who's fookin bent? Are you shaying Ma's fookin bent you fookin coont?

Harb: I think we'll leave it there!

Pa: I'll fookin show you - where's me fookin gun? YEEEHAAAR!

DING DONG

Good news everyone: your old chum Harbinger has decided to marry! A huge disappointment for some of you prettier ladies out there I know but this is a match made in…………..Fleet street. That's right - following her recent and timely elevation to the post of Gruaniad Editor she can't help feeling we are now the perfect couple and I must confess - I'm bound to agree with the lass. The happy girl is of course the lovely, the luscious, the fragrant Katharine Vyner - soon to be Katharine Harbinger so we'll have a new contributor to the jolly old PUN . It could be a longish engagement as old Harb is a little busy what with one thing and another but you'll be the third to know of developments.

Here's me and the future Mrs H on our last trip together to the metropolis.

Meet the Town Hall Mob No' 1

No 1. Ma McHardy:

Who is she?

temporary leader of the Town Hall Mob.

What does she do?

Dresses up as a gangster's moll and parades about the town.

Is she married?

Yes….sorry guys: There is a Pa McHardy who will feature in a future edition of 'Meet The Town Hall Mob'.

The interview:

Harb: So Ma - what are your plans for Ripon?

McHardy: Ooo you are presooomptuous yoong man - I'm the Very Raight Worshipful The Lady Mareship of Ripon I'll 'ave yew know; I take exemption to your familarity, hand any road up - it's not wot I can do for Ripon, but wot Ripon can do for ME.

Harb: Ah yes, well, tell us about your day.

McHardy: We get oop early and while Pa polishes may Mare's accoutrements I lay in the bath lovingly soaping myself all hoever and phone ower (Andy) to find out what ee's wearin - ee wouldn't want us to clash. Do you know (Andy)? Such a lovely, lovely, lovely boy and ee didn't do hany of the things the police and the judge and heveryone sez ee did because ee's hever so naice.
I go into my plushly appointed front lounge-room and wait for (Andy) - he likes to come into my front lounge-room. When ee harrives we 'ave a Nescafe together (Gold Blend) and look at ower diary to see what freebies invitations we're going to attend because aim the Mare and hever so impotent. After that we practice a bit of marching oop and down wearing ower chains ((Andy) wears Pa's chains 'cos Pa's not allowed in may front Lounge-room 'cos ee's all rough and spills 'is wayne heverywhere).
After that hit's one long round of freebies, engagements - dinners, teas, that kind of stuff. Sometimes we 'ave to go to classicalist music things but that can be a bit boring and then it's bedtime….(Andy) goes home. That's it really - I ham very impotent.

Harb: Thank you Your Very Right Worshipful The Lady Mareness.

As told to the editor