Meet the Town Hall Mob No' 1

No 1. Ma McHardy:

Who is she?

temporary leader of the Town Hall Mob.

What does she do?

Dresses up as a gangster's moll and parades about the town.

Is she married?

Yes….sorry guys: There is a Pa McHardy who will feature in a future edition of 'Meet The Town Hall Mob'.

The interview:

Harb: So Ma - what are your plans for Ripon?

McHardy: Ooo you are presooomptuous yoong man - I'm the Very Raight Worshipful The Lady Mareship of Ripon I'll 'ave yew know; I take exemption to your familarity, hand any road up - it's not wot I can do for Ripon, but wot Ripon can do for ME.

Harb: Ah yes, well, tell us about your day.

McHardy: We get oop early and while Pa polishes may Mare's accoutrements I lay in the bath lovingly soaping myself all hoever and phone ower (Andy) to find out what ee's wearin - ee wouldn't want us to clash. Do you know (Andy)? Such a lovely, lovely, lovely boy and ee didn't do hany of the things the police and the judge and heveryone sez ee did because ee's hever so naice.
I go into my plushly appointed front lounge-room and wait for (Andy) - he likes to come into my front lounge-room. When ee harrives we 'ave a Nescafe together (Gold Blend) and look at ower diary to see what freebies invitations we're going to attend because aim the Mare and hever so impotent. After that we practice a bit of marching oop and down wearing ower chains ((Andy) wears Pa's chains 'cos Pa's not allowed in may front Lounge-room 'cos ee's all rough and spills 'is wayne heverywhere).
After that hit's one long round of freebies, engagements - dinners, teas, that kind of stuff. Sometimes we 'ave to go to classicalist music things but that can be a bit boring and then it's bedtime….(Andy) goes home. That's it really - I ham very impotent.

Harb: Thank you Your Very Right Worshipful The Lady Mareness.

As told to the editor