Day Off

Phew it was a scorcher! Harbinger took the day off from harbinging yesterday, donned the black leathers and headed for the coast, what a day I had: fish and chips in a turbulent sea of non brewed condiment, a chemically enhanced ice cream, crab sandwiches, whelks, even donkey rides - MAN THEY ARE HEAVY!

Scarborough was, and still is, one of the great seaside resorts. Sure you can be sniffy about the place - tattoos and the ubiquitous VPL, but it has a soul, a quintessential northern comfort zone. And it is fun!

Oh! I saw a couple of motorcycle lads from the Ripon area whilst there. I don't think they recognised me (my hair was a bit of a mess after the ride) but I hope you had as good a day as me.

Latest Release

The long awaited new album from Ripon crooner Andrew (Andy) Williams is on release. Featuring the classic 'Love Me Like A Man' a song (Andy) has made his own, the album marks a turning point in (Andy's) career focusing as it does on......well.....(Andy).

(Andy) will be touring the country looking for a venue that will have him and ticket sales are unexpected.

The album is available at the incredible price of 42p or is free with any pack of two earplugs at Boots or Superdrug.

Other featured favourites are:

So How Come No One Loves Me

Me Myself I

Friendless Departure

Pretty Vacant

and the much covered

You've Got Me Under Your Skin

Success!

Propaganda surrounding the West of Market Place development (or Market Gate as it has inexplicably come to be called) is well orchestrated in the local press, but as is often the case with propaganda, somewhat fanciful!
In late April, Maple Grove Developments said that the success of the scheme had “surpassed all expectations”. This may well be the case but if it is, then expectations must have been positively subterranean. The opening of Booths has been delayed, the other units are still empty, and Harbinger hears that much of the lauded residential development aimed at ‘young professionals and downsizing couples looking to take advantage of city centre amenities’, has allegedly been sold off to a housing association!

Boobies

‘Artist’ David Stead’s letter to the Gazette (May 22nd) which we like to think was inspired by the PUN’s own article ‘Who Are They Watching’ (April 22nd) finally elicited a waffling reply to the paper from Harrogate Borough Council last week.
The reply, from Coun Les Ellington states that: CCTV cameras have not breached privacy’, that ‘Under no circumstances would a camera be directed into a window’. And that: ‘If Mr Stead still has concerns, we would welcome him giving us specific times, dates and locations and we would be happy to investigate’.
The information asked for is available on this site along with relevant photographs and if Mr Stead wishes to use this information in his reply Harbinger would have no objection.

Perhaps the camera operator is an ornithologist and was admiring a rare kind of Booby.

Thanks Gordon!

Aye, thanks to Mr Broon we now have a democratically elected fascist representing us in Brussels. Andrew Brons, who was elected as a member of the European Parliament for Yorkshire and the Humber last week not only represents the British National Party, he is also a former leader of the National Front. It surely underlines the scale of disillusionment with Broon’s Labour party that the electorate would rather endorse a Nazi than back Labour’s candidate?

'But' I hear you say, 'He has a kind and gentle face, surely he's a nice man who simply got in with the wrong crowd?' Well, He certainly did that:

In October 1983, Brons was leading a group of NF supporters handing out leaflets in Leeds city centre who were heard shouting slogans including "white power" and "death to Jews". When a police officer asked the group to disperse, Brons called him an "inferior being".

Oh! and should you have missed his picture in the press, here's a picture of his boss, the contemptible BNP leader Nick Griffin MEP; surrounded by some of his pals. Big aren't they - we wonder why!

'Secret' Vineyard.

Customers of Great Northern Wine have been reporting wines of a younger, fresher nature of late and owner Mark Ryan has been tight lipped about their origins, muttering vagaries about ‘cooler climates’ and a ‘more northerly terroir’. But it was a report in this week’s Gazette that got Harbinger’s nose for a story twitching.
It was reported that Mr Ryan had joined forces with farmer, Tony Chapman to attempt to grow three varieties of grape in what the Gazette described as ‘a secret location’.
When the Gazette’s reporter asked Mr Ryan about the vineyard he attempted to play the whole thing down saying “It is not anticipated our vineyard will ever produce wine”, but Harbinger has, after exhaustive investigations, discovered the ‘secret location’.
Hidden in the countryside just outside Ripon, surrounded by a high fence and patrolled with dogs, the vineyard is in full production; a vast bottling plant stands nearby disguised as a carpet warehouse and trucks thunder along the narrow country lane bound for Mr Ryan’s establishment. Get yourself down there and bag a case or two of Château Ripon before the vintage sells out.

Knockout In The Twelfth, The 'Dream Team' Reign Supreme!

The Champ' In Buoyant Mood After The Fight. It came as no surprise to most that when it came to the final rounds, the challenger ‘Mad’ Mackintosh was found wanting. Lacking the experience of seasoned campaigner St Bernard, he punched himself out in the early stages, putting all his faith in the knockout ‘official complaint’. When this failed to materialise it was only a matter of time.
After the eleventh round knock down ‘Mad’ retired to his corner; some say the referee should have stopped it there, but Mad came out again for the twelfth.
The leaflets flew backwards and forwards but only those of the champion carried any real conviction and weight, St Bernard was a man possessed. ‘Skidders’ roared encouragement and instructions from the corner, Mrs St B. threw brickbats from ringside but there was really no need; the knockout blow when it came, was devastating......967 votes to 238!

My colleague managed to catch up with coach ‘Skidders’ after the fight:

Interviewer: ‘Skidders’, how do you read the later rounds?’

Skidders, ‘It was all over surprisin’ quick. My boy was hall over im, ee didn’t stand a chance’.

Interviewer: ‘And what’s next for the champ?’

Skidders: ‘Eees goin’ to ave an hoperation, then the world is is hoister.’

Interviewer: ‘When he woke up, the challenger was talking of a re-match, would you consider it?’

Skidders: ‘My boy as nuffin to prove, ees the reignin champ, but if ‘Mad’s’ still haround in four years; whell, whe’d ave to see….’

Interviewer: Skidders, thank you’.

LATEST NEWS FROM RINGSIDE

So here I am as promised to bring you the latest news from ringside: and it’s looking like a triumph for the ‘Dream Team’ of St Bernard and coach, ‘Skidders’ Skidmore.
Early rounds seemed to be going to ‘Mad’ Mackintosh with a couple of well timed letters to the Council’s Complaint Sub-Committee getting past St. Bernard’s guard, but as the rounds progressed ‘Mad’ became more and more scrappy and was warned several times for hitting below the belt.

The warnings went unheeded and in the seventh, ‘Mad’ was required to take a standing ten count for unseemly gloating. Still the low blows came in the form of emails and letters but they were badly aimed. Skidders advice from the corner was sound: ‘Keep yer guard up……stay off the ropes’.

Then, in the eleventh, the Sub committee found ‘No Action Required’ and ‘Mad’ hit the canvas like a sack of Maris Pipers. He took an eight count and just made it to his feet before the bell. As I speak, his corner are working frantically to staunch the flow from several nasty looking paper cuts.

They may throw the towel in.......He may make the final round.........The crowd are on their feet..... ‘St Bernard, St Bernard’ they chant. Is there any stopping ‘THE DREAM TEAM’? We’ll find out in the twelfth………..

St. Bernard

One of our frequent contributers tells me that well known all in wrestler St Bernard goes in to hospital today for an op', so best wishes and a speedy recovery to him.

Harping On!

It's an evening so hot that the obelisk has begun to melt. Warm, sunny day follows warm sunny day and the cretins allow the market place, OUR market place, Ripon's best feature (the cathedral has overly religious connotations and no parking!) to remain empty. No cafes, no bars, no fun. Dumb asses!

Buns!

The building of the new Booths store has undoubtedly had a devastating effect upon small businesses in the vicinity – Davill’s of Westgate being only the latest to close - and as the store prepares to open there will almost certainly be more casualties. Booths retail strategy is clearly an aggressive one despite all the soft soap hype and their target market is that occupied at present by small retail outlets in the town. However, it is not enough simply to lay the blame at Booths door, nor that of the highways dept for the undeniable cock-up they’ve made of the road system. All businesses need to move with the times in order to succeed and a new strategy will be necessary to ensure their survival. We live in a Free Range, Organic, Continental Market world (witness the queues at the French Market bread stall) and you can be sure that Booths will cater to those needs so trying to sell 1970s throwback cakes is – has proven to be – a recipe for disaster.

P.S. It's surprising what you find when you google 'buns'!!