Haven't we been here before?

'Joined up thinking is what Ripon needs' - so squeaks the All new, slightly bigger, slightly smaller, but almost empty Ripon Gazette in this week's editorial. Factions within the city have apparently come together to achieve a common goal - the collective aim 'to bring people into the city centre'.
Now just how do Ripon councillors, GRIP and whomsoever else is involved, weigh this with the opening of an even larger shopping complex on the very outskirts of Ripon? Make no mistake, this is the choice you have folks:

It would be a surprise to Harbinger if many of the people involved in these various factions can manage joined up writing; let alone joined up thinking.

Whitby

Yesterday was a day of fresh vistas and new horizons. Yes - In a spirit of selfless culinary investigation (as apposed to self investigation - a wholly different concept!), your roving reporter Harb flung his leg over the trusty old motor - bicycle and zipped off to the seaside again.

A first stop at Saltburn for coffee and croissant only went to prove the old adage that you can take the Harb out of Ripon but you can't take Ripon out of the Harb:

Then on to Whitby, picturesque in the sunshine and what a riot of colour it was too: so many of you in brightly hued synthetic sports clothing - it warms the heart to see the nation in full support of this, our olympic year. Even the morbidly obese (due, no doubt, to hormone imbalance) who one might expect would be disinclined to take part in strenuous activity, had clearly just snapped off a session at the gym; decked out as they were in the colours of team adidas and Nike and sweating freely.

First I had to find an old friend who I knew would be at a local beauty spot but the place seemed soulless and deserted.

Turning round however, I caught sight of the old familiar, cheerful face of my friend and colleague and with the day set fair we headed to a little place I know for lunch and the purpose of today's trip.....FISH & CHIPS!

Yes - there are many good places to get yourself on the outside of a plate of fish & c in Whitby, but where to achieve this whilst taking in the sea view and more importantly, slurping at a tankard of the tan and foamy?    You don't know, do you?      Well here's the answer: The Duke of York at the bottom of the 99 steps.
We were greeted by a charming young man with a lisp and a lot of jewellery - he seemed to take a shine to us. We ordered a pint of Deuchars ale each and ordered the food. The young man gave me the order slip, "Number 69", he lisped, and do you know? There was something rummy about the way he said it....... We sat down.
The food came after about ten minutes and you'll never guess......... It was brilliant. No it was, I promise you. The batter was crisp and golden, the fish was firm, white and as fresh as a piece of fresh fish, the chips were perfectly cooked and there were plenty of peas to throw about the floor. All this coupled with a really good pint of beer and the aforementioned view, made for a splendid lunch. Don't go there though - it was busy enough as it was and I don't want to have to ask you to leave.

Ok, so the Katharine Viner article in the Gruaniad has stirred up a bit of a hornet's nest - I expect a letter will be pouring in to the 'All New Slightly Bigger, Slightly Smaller Gazette' as I type. Certainly the grumblings on the street have reached fever pitch - well nearly fever pitch - well a couple of people have mentioned it in passing. The general feeling is that this kind of negativity can only do Ripon harm: "Who's going to visit Ripon after reading that?" is the cry; an argument defeated somewhat by the fact that no-body comes here anyway!
The thing is, you see: it's all true - the very day after its publication the council nincompoops   were parading up and down Ripon's streets in their fancy dress costumes, puffing out their chests and pretending to be important. As for the 'Portas Bid' - Did you see the video? Well did you? SHAMBOLIC!
I must admit though, I would have liked to see the Alice in Wonderland murals - how long would it have been before someone (and I can think of some likely candidates) painted a grossly erect penis on the mad hatter and a fetching pair of comely breasts on Alice? Ripon's 'ginnels' would certainly have been enlivened.

Like an alcoholic, Ripon must admit to itself that it is in a mess. Only then can the cure be taken and the cure is radical change - embracing the 21st century instead of wallowing in the mid 1950s.

Who the hell is Harbinger?

So! What's been going on since I've been away? Mr Broon was shot down in his prime by the Eton Rifles - who'd have thought it? The Eurozone has gone in to meltdown - who'd have thought it? And the end of the world wasn't quite so 'nigh' as we were led to believe - who'd ...........

Ripon cathedral has some lovely new glass doors and some flower planters. Well done them.
The lovely old Well's building is finally being brought back to life after how many years?
And we have a new mayor. No......wait a minute........It's Andrew 'Andy' Williams, the oleaginous crooner who's 'turn' has unfortunately come round again.

 Here he is at a recent concert in aid of 'Andy', with his new backing group, 'The Serviettes'

'Andy's' desire to do nothing, with a chain round his neck, knows no bounds it seems, and it has even reached the attention of 'The Gruaniad':

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2012/jun/19/olympic-torch-olympics-2012  More about this later.

The all new, slightly smaller, slightly bigger, but almost empty Ripon Gazette's laudable campaign to free Gregg's doughnut  has it seems, stalled, as the hapless comestible still languishes in clink without charge:

From what we can gather from Gregg himself, the doughnut is being held in cells at the old prison behind the cathedral. 'He is being reasonably well treated', said Gregg, 'but he has lost a lot of jam'.

Harbinger will be investigating the case and if necessary contacting Amnesty.

There are some sad losses to the town: Great Northern Wine is no more, the short lived Cafe Flo in Kirkgate has sprouted wings and er.....Flo wn, and the oleaginous crooner Andrew 'Andy' Williams has  left office as Ripon mayor..........Oh no; wait a minute.

On the up side we have a new wine bar on Duck Hill in the shape of 'Scoffy's', a smart new cafe is about to open its doors in the aforementioned Well's building in Fishergate and Harbinger hears that a new bar and grill will open soon in a 'tippetytop secret' location on the market square. Ooooooh!