Woof Woof Zzzzzzzz

Apparently the 'Same Tired Rabble of Impotent Politicos (STRIP) is in the running for the second round of the 'Portas Pilot' scheme, so it looks like we may well be in for another comedy video..... If you didn't see the last one click this link - laugh? Harbinger's pants are still on the line!
Not only did the presenters of this 'docu/comedy/flic' look as though they had died some months ago and had subsequently been stuffed for the occasion, but the ideas promulgated were at best misguided and at worst ludicrous.
They wouldn't dream of using the same video again would they? Do you think? NO!

Judith Donovan CBE barks at the camera like a demented bulldog, yapping about the tragic loss to the town of multiples such as Curry's and the much esteemed Bon Marche?!? Then wistfully dribbles on about a new Tesco store opening in Harrogate - Oh woe! If only WE could have another supermarket!!
One of the best, and most curious moments is when Ms Donovan informs us that we are now calling ourselves: 'North Yorkshire's Capital of Culture & City of Celebration'. She's serious ffs; a city less stuffed with culture would be hard to find!!
The then Lord Mare, Coun' Mick Stanley sidles on and gurns at us from the urine scented alley leading to Ripon's retail saviour, 'Booths' which he tells us will be painted with scenes from Lewis Carroll stories.....They'll look lovely Mick; especially when they've been 'enhanced' by the young folk of the town (bless their little hearts) and the town's wildlife (sorry - I've already mentioned them) have pissed all over them.
What a shame Ripon crooner Andrew (Andy) Williams wasn't in office at the time; he, and his backing group,The Serviettes could have sung the theme tune.
STRIP was, we're told, set up 3 years ago to tackle Ripon's economic regeneration. One wonders in which millennia they were thinking of bringing this about because Harbinger has seen precious little evidence of it thus far!

Plod Says Non!

All kicking off on Twitter where plod puts his size fifteen down, shoves his fingers in his ears and says "I'm not listening, La la la la la la la la la la la la".

Several Tweeters including at least one local trader and the mysterious 'Ripon Re-generator' have been banned from posting on the Ripon police Twitter page...... 'It must be because they were giving abuse', you might think to yourself, but non!
Now, plod is quite happy to use the medium to tell us how we should be driving, how much we should be drinking and when. They are quite happy to promulgate their own agenda and yet when deficiencies  in their policing of the city are pointed out to them with a little tongue in cheek humour, both bat and ball are snatched away and whisked home to the station with a stamp of the foot and a 'yah boo sucks'.
Here's something for them to ponder: If you join in with social media then you must abide by the unwritten rules of that media - you must be willing to take the rough with the smooth - to accept a certain amount of friendly criticism where criticism is due. GROW UP PLOD!

P.S. Harbinger is pleased to say he too is one of the outcasts. In the words of the great Woolfie Smith:

POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!

Having A Lovely Time

Ripon crooner and Lord Mare, Andrew (Andy) Williams, has been informing the world (well, the Ripon Gazette reader) that he's having a lovely time dressing up and going to things. He's been to concerts & tea parties, tombolas & scout jamborees. He's been at pirate parties and he's done a bit of standing on the market square; and all this, on our behalf! he has, he informs his reader, been to meetings too......Well whoopdidoodle!
What Harbinger would like to hear about is accomplishment, implementation, achievements, successes; even some failures. ACTION is what we want to hear about, not tea parties. There's a hell of a lot to do in this town before anyone can pat themselves on the back and march up and down in self congratulation.
Did he read, one wonders, the article by the sweet and fragrant Katharine Viner in the Gruaniad? Did he consider that it might be he and his cronies who are "giving the word 'civic' a bad name"? One suspects not - Does my arse look big in this?

So just as Nero fiddled while Rome went up in smoke, (Andy) fiddles with himself whilst Ripon sinks.

The Shit's about to hit the fan (Andy) so stand WELL clear!

Reasons to be cheerful (Part 2)

Eccentric and a little old fashioned, Benson's is another long established business in Ripon. You can buy a box of nails, a screw, wellington boots, a door stop, a fishing rod, one of those things for the end of a walking stick and you get a bit of banter whilst you're at it. Let's not exchange it for a DIY store!

HBC Sued By Grieving Parents

The 'parking in Kirkgate' issue is gathering momentum over on Twitter with a deal of 're-tweeting' going on and the local constabibulary joining in (if only to sit precariously on the fence). So far as I can tell, the council have not as yet deigned to reply but that kind of arrogance seems to be their default position.

So....Here's the sign, and it seems pretty clear doesn't it? PEDESTRIAN ZONE and NO WAITING AT ANY TIME.

Surprisingly, this doesn't mean 'except when I want to pick up me Chinky' or 'I'm an overweight taxi driver so I can go where I please'.

The summer holidays are on their way and soon the restaurants of Kirkgate will be busy with holidaymakers. Picture the scene: An early evening restaurant. A middle class family (Guardian readers). The children finish eating and are fidgeting and restless so they are allowed into the safe, cobbled and pedestrianised street to play.

10 minutes go by and then there is a screeching noise and a sickening thud. Silence. Sound of running. A car door slams. Shrieking.

Caught on camera below, is a graphic demonstration of how close we have already come to this scenario being tragically played out. These children ran out from between parked cars and were almost hit by the driver who slammed his brakes on in time.

The outcome is not hard to imagine is it folks: one dead or seriously injured child and two very VERY angry, middle class, Guardian reading parents looking to sue the ass of anyone found to be

NEGLIGENT 

First port of call for their London lawyers: Yep; you guessed it; Harrogate Borough Council and OUCH! That's going to be some compensation claim

Second visit I suspect would be our friendly constabibulary who would also appear to have failed in their duties.

The solution is simplicity itself of course:

Enforce the pedestrian zone

Quiz

Kirkgate is Ripon's 'Shambles'
That's what they say ain't it? And no wonder, they share so much common ground: both have some lovely old buildings dating back to the 15th century, both lead to magnificent and important ecclesiastical structures and both were painted by the great British artist, Turner. They are now tourist attractions, shopping destinations and have many cafes, bars and restaurants.

So, here's a little photo quiz to see how well you know the two ancient streets and here to start you off: Shambles or Kirkgate?

Tough one? Here's another:

Bet that's got you thinking. And another, Shambles or Kirkgate? Careful - is that the cathedral or the minster?

This one doesn't give much away but you might be able to work it out:

Here's a tricky one we've been a bit sneaky and blanked the name out, but the clues are all there, both in the text and the obvious civic pride in this lovely plaque.

O.k. Here's a couple more courtesy of Leeds Housing Assoc': a couple of ancient and well cared for doorways from the street, but is it Kirkgate or is it the Shambles?

So.....How did you get on? Not an easy quiz I know and it goes to show that Kirkgate really is, 'A Shambles'

Reasons To Be Cheerful (part 1)

Appleton's
Long established in the market square, Appleton's has changed hands and is in the process of refurbishment. Always good, the changes have made the place even better with a much lighter and airier feel. Oh! and the pork pies are still the best on the planet.

Whilst I was there it seemed foolish not to have a light snack:

Web:  http://www.appletonsbutchers.co.uk/

'It's 'ell in there'.

Harbinger is getting reports that an incident is in progress at the high security, Ripon Prison Museum, where Gregg's Doughnut is still being held without charge (See: 'Who the hell is Harbinger', 21st June). Reports say that at 09:26 this morning sounds of a scuffle and shouting emerged from the building and what may have been a shot was fired; though there has been no confirmation of this.

At 12:10 a figure was seen on the roof of the building but as yet it has not been possible to identify him.

First brought to Harbinger's attention by Ripon Gazette's campaign to free the unfortunate Doughnut, fears for his health and safety cannot be overstated, given the prison museum's lamentable record on human rights.
'It's 'ell in there', an ex inmate said today, 'violence and torture are common. I wouldn't want to be in 'is shoes I wouldn't!'

Speaking for the prison museum, Sgt' Cyril Cuffum said, 'That Doughnut, 'e's a wrong 'un an' no mistake. Oh yes: 'e might come over all la di da - what yer might call, sweet an sugary, but give 'im 'alf a chance an' 'e'll 'ave the skin off yer knuckles - Ere, 'ave a butchers at what 'e's done to the toecaps of me boots. Just you wait 'till I get at 'im!'

Latest news is that a mediation expert has been sent in by Amnesty International in an effort to defuse the situation.

Haven't we been here before?

'Joined up thinking is what Ripon needs' - so squeaks the All new, slightly bigger, slightly smaller, but almost empty Ripon Gazette in this week's editorial. Factions within the city have apparently come together to achieve a common goal - the collective aim 'to bring people into the city centre'.
Now just how do Ripon councillors, GRIP and whomsoever else is involved, weigh this with the opening of an even larger shopping complex on the very outskirts of Ripon? Make no mistake, this is the choice you have folks:

It would be a surprise to Harbinger if many of the people involved in these various factions can manage joined up writing; let alone joined up thinking.

Whitby

Yesterday was a day of fresh vistas and new horizons. Yes - In a spirit of selfless culinary investigation (as apposed to self investigation - a wholly different concept!), your roving reporter Harb flung his leg over the trusty old motor - bicycle and zipped off to the seaside again.

A first stop at Saltburn for coffee and croissant only went to prove the old adage that you can take the Harb out of Ripon but you can't take Ripon out of the Harb:

Then on to Whitby, picturesque in the sunshine and what a riot of colour it was too: so many of you in brightly hued synthetic sports clothing - it warms the heart to see the nation in full support of this, our olympic year. Even the morbidly obese (due, no doubt, to hormone imbalance) who one might expect would be disinclined to take part in strenuous activity, had clearly just snapped off a session at the gym; decked out as they were in the colours of team adidas and Nike and sweating freely.

First I had to find an old friend who I knew would be at a local beauty spot but the place seemed soulless and deserted.

Turning round however, I caught sight of the old familiar, cheerful face of my friend and colleague and with the day set fair we headed to a little place I know for lunch and the purpose of today's trip.....FISH & CHIPS!

Yes - there are many good places to get yourself on the outside of a plate of fish & c in Whitby, but where to achieve this whilst taking in the sea view and more importantly, slurping at a tankard of the tan and foamy?    You don't know, do you?      Well here's the answer: The Duke of York at the bottom of the 99 steps.
We were greeted by a charming young man with a lisp and a lot of jewellery - he seemed to take a shine to us. We ordered a pint of Deuchars ale each and ordered the food. The young man gave me the order slip, "Number 69", he lisped, and do you know? There was something rummy about the way he said it....... We sat down.
The food came after about ten minutes and you'll never guess......... It was brilliant. No it was, I promise you. The batter was crisp and golden, the fish was firm, white and as fresh as a piece of fresh fish, the chips were perfectly cooked and there were plenty of peas to throw about the floor. All this coupled with a really good pint of beer and the aforementioned view, made for a splendid lunch. Don't go there though - it was busy enough as it was and I don't want to have to ask you to leave.

Ok, so the Katharine Viner article in the Gruaniad has stirred up a bit of a hornet's nest - I expect a letter will be pouring in to the 'All New Slightly Bigger, Slightly Smaller Gazette' as I type. Certainly the grumblings on the street have reached fever pitch - well nearly fever pitch - well a couple of people have mentioned it in passing. The general feeling is that this kind of negativity can only do Ripon harm: "Who's going to visit Ripon after reading that?" is the cry; an argument defeated somewhat by the fact that no-body comes here anyway!
The thing is, you see: it's all true - the very day after its publication the council nincompoops   were parading up and down Ripon's streets in their fancy dress costumes, puffing out their chests and pretending to be important. As for the 'Portas Bid' - Did you see the video? Well did you? SHAMBOLIC!
I must admit though, I would have liked to see the Alice in Wonderland murals - how long would it have been before someone (and I can think of some likely candidates) painted a grossly erect penis on the mad hatter and a fetching pair of comely breasts on Alice? Ripon's 'ginnels' would certainly have been enlivened.

Like an alcoholic, Ripon must admit to itself that it is in a mess. Only then can the cure be taken and the cure is radical change - embracing the 21st century instead of wallowing in the mid 1950s.

Who the hell is Harbinger?

So! What's been going on since I've been away? Mr Broon was shot down in his prime by the Eton Rifles - who'd have thought it? The Eurozone has gone in to meltdown - who'd have thought it? And the end of the world wasn't quite so 'nigh' as we were led to believe - who'd ...........

Ripon cathedral has some lovely new glass doors and some flower planters. Well done them.
The lovely old Well's building is finally being brought back to life after how many years?
And we have a new mayor. No......wait a minute........It's Andrew 'Andy' Williams, the oleaginous crooner who's 'turn' has unfortunately come round again.

 Here he is at a recent concert in aid of 'Andy', with his new backing group, 'The Serviettes'

'Andy's' desire to do nothing, with a chain round his neck, knows no bounds it seems, and it has even reached the attention of 'The Gruaniad':

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2012/jun/19/olympic-torch-olympics-2012  More about this later.

The all new, slightly smaller, slightly bigger, but almost empty Ripon Gazette's laudable campaign to free Gregg's doughnut  has it seems, stalled, as the hapless comestible still languishes in clink without charge:

From what we can gather from Gregg himself, the doughnut is being held in cells at the old prison behind the cathedral. 'He is being reasonably well treated', said Gregg, 'but he has lost a lot of jam'.

Harbinger will be investigating the case and if necessary contacting Amnesty.

There are some sad losses to the town: Great Northern Wine is no more, the short lived Cafe Flo in Kirkgate has sprouted wings and er.....Flo wn, and the oleaginous crooner Andrew 'Andy' Williams has  left office as Ripon mayor..........Oh no; wait a minute.

On the up side we have a new wine bar on Duck Hill in the shape of 'Scoffy's', a smart new cafe is about to open its doors in the aforementioned Well's building in Fishergate and Harbinger hears that a new bar and grill will open soon in a 'tippetytop secret' location on the market square. Ooooooh!