De Rigueur

Early evening found me strolling around a damp and somewhat desolate town centre. A dispiriting experience you might think, and so it was until there, in the window of a local hostelry was the bright and cheery sight of a Christmas tree! Not, as you might think, in a 'low dive'; no! This was a posh joint, where slacks would not look out of place and golf seems a reasonable topic of conversation. One imagines they are using irony; rather in the way that Americans use it when wearing white tie at an evening that is very clearly black tie.

Problems Snowball

The perennial and you might rightly think, tedious topic of parking has raised its head again, though not in its usual guise of 'Why can't we park all over the market square'. No...... this time there is a new twist to the saga. A small row is brewing over on Twitter about Cllr Andrew (Andy) Williams, Ripon crooner & current Mare and the fact that he has his own designated parking space on the south (pedestrianised) side of the square. 'Why should he have a parking space at all,' it was asked, 'is he, in some way, better than the rest of us?' (insert your own answer here!)
But then another grain of sand was introduced into (Andy's) Vaseline: Not only does he use the space to park for official business, alleged the Tweeter, but also when drinking in what was described as 'Spoons.
So, the question should be asked.....If he is using his space whilst sipping at a Snowball or two, should he not be doing so in one of the many independent drinking establishments in the town rather than putting his money in the till of a Watford based company and its distant and, no doubt, minted shareholders?

Here he is with his official chauffeur rolling in for another 'sesh' at 'Spoons: "A Snowball and a half shandy for my driver landlord!"

Addendum: This is not the only storm kicking off over in Twitter-land.......
See here

Reasons to be cheerful (part 3)

Ripon Hornblower 

George Pickles (Pickles the noun, not the verb!) A fine ambassador for Ripon. Keep up the good work George.

Twits?

So Ripon City Council are now on Facebook and Twitter! A step in the right direction would you say? Perhaps it will be utilised as an open forum for debate - a place where the people of the town can air their views and get a response; or perhaps it will simply be yet another opportunity for councillors to post photos of themselves dressed up like a herd of pantomime dames (collective noun for pantomime dames?? A widow of dames - a twanky - a stage?). Of course, most people do use social media such as this for verbal twattery and posting pictures of themselves and friends looking ridiculous but since this is the default position of our esteemed (sic) council it would be nice to see them taking a new direction.

I've just had a comment from Anon asking is this a picture of the Ripon Mare. Don't be silly Anon - it looks nothing like the Mare; this is he:

Do You Really Want Costa Coffee In Ripon?

Do you want another blight on the townscape of Ripon? Another haemorrhage of your money to a multi-national chain? Have a look here: www.notocosta.co.uk

Just as Ripon is beginning to shuffle grudgingly towards the 21st Century with the opening of some interesting, independent shops, coffee shops, wine bars and galleries the last thing it needs is to be dragged backwards by another cheap chain purveying its homogenous shite.

So, Ripon Council, Harrogate Borough Council: What are you going to do about it? As if we didn't know

Jumping Ship

Ripon has been ill served by it's local paper for some time now. Devoid as it is of any attempt at investigative journalism, the local rag seems content to publish endless photographs of pubescent schoolgirls wiggling their little tits at the camera at the loathsomely ubiquitous  'school proms' which have slithered into our consciousness courtesy of our equally abhorrent 'special relationship'. Interspersed between the adolescent cleavage are the tedious platitudes of assorted 'Mare's Diaries' where we learn how delighted they are, how much they have enjoyed, how they are looking forward to, but not, we notice, what they have achieved.
There are, of course some reasonably significant issues to tackle in this town, but now the news hounds have jumped ship and doggy paddled for all they're worth to the more genteel shores of 'Harrow-gate', better known as Betty's, we can, I suppose, only expect more of the same trivial tosh we've been subjected to for the past couple of years.

At £1.20 you might think the Ripon Gazette represents pretty poor value for money........and you may well be right!

The world's worst nightclub?

What do these two buildings have in common other than they have remained empty for an age - in the case of Azores - years?

Could it be that they are unfortunate enough to be in close proximity to this blot on the landscape?

Who in their right mind would open a restaurant opposite the Matrix?

Busy Errr.......

Ripon Mare & crooner Andrew (ANDY) Williams and his backing group, The Serviettes were in concert in the town hall last night and although no-one attended, (Andy) said 'It a huge success and everyone enjoyed themselves and I wore my chain and my furry collar and I polished my shoes and parked in my special parking place on the market square which is only for me because I'm the Mare of Ripon and when you are impotent you have to look impotent. I stand at the front because I'm the most impotent and the Serviettes stand a bit behind me. I've got a hat as well'.

After the flop of his 'Greatest Hits album three years ago (Andy's) latest release 'Busy Doin' Nothing Again' is set to sell four copies and go plastic. You can snap up your copy at the pound shop remainder bin.

FOUL. FOUL! Addendum to 'Plod Says Non' (16th July)

Following the barring of several campaigners (Harbinger included) from posting, or indeed receiving posts from their @RiponPolice Twitter page, the eponymous plod have now asked: "Would it be useful to hold an online meeting about Ripon city centre issues".  Ha! So this is what they mean by 'public consultation'.

Shame

Rebekah Brooks says she's shocked and dismayed to find herself charged in the wake of the Leveson enquiry........NOBODY ELSE IS LOVE!

New Dawn

The day breaks oe'r yonder hill and I must make haste and be about the daily grind.

This distant view of our absurd little town from my humble abode, an outsiders view if you like, only serves to clarify and magnify its faults and foibles. It's a town of taxi driver mentality, ruled over and shat upon by the old order of puffed up nepotists for whom change is anathema; reported upon and held to account by no-one.
Williams, Bateman, Skidmore, Horton, Hawke et al have stood in the path of progress for so long that we have become blind to it, and now the inertia, the acceptance of status quo, has insinuated itself into all aspects of political and commercial life. Even the silly, timid shopkeepers are afraid to attempt anything that hasn't been tried and failed before.
It may be that the ills that afflict this little town are simply a reflection of the greater ills that dog the country as a whole, but is that a reason to continue stumbling drunkenly down a blind alley?
We must get rid of the old order before anything can move forward. They have the gaul to continue to put themselves up for election so vote the buggers out at the earliest opportunity - we will all be the better for it.

Traffic Light Downhill

In an effort to solve the perennial parking problem in Ripon, Harrogate Borough Council have hit upon an ingenious idea: it involves almost no planning and indeed no thought process whatsoever, which is fortunate as our beloved (sic) council is woefully inept on both fronts. The great thing about this plan is that it is all inclusive, in that you end up parking even if you don't want to. Yes, it's the brilliant introduction of a jolly, flashing array of traffic lights. We used to have a hill here in Ripon almost universally known as 'Traffic Light Hill' - a redundant nomenclature now since EVERY hill and junction has its own set of Blinking Blight Lights.

This innovative solution to Ripon's parking problem has been remarkably successful and you can now park almost anywhere in Ripon without fear of getting a ticket and it's FREE! One of the most successful of the new parking areas is that on North Street where you can remain for weeks without having to worry about being moved on by a green light:

But of course you have plenty of choice:

Traffic lights take our eyes off the road. They make us stop when it's safe to go. They cause congestion and needless delay. They outlaw discretion, defy common sense, encourage speeding and license aggression. They waste fuel, deface streetscapes and pollute the air. They cost the Earth to install and run. By contrast, when lights are out of action, courtesy thrives and congestion dissolves.