Showing posts with label Ripon council. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ripon council. Show all posts

Monday, 15 April 2013

Evening All

As the seasons change and winter breathes its last gasp; almost unnoticed on Kirkgate (Ripon's shambles) appear those brightly coloured harbingers of spring: the police van. Litter swirls in their wake and settles back onto the deserted street. It is early Friday evening. No-one is about to witness their arrival save a few hardened drinkers in the Royal Oak, the odd Hopperesque diner and Harbinger, wobbling back to the rank from an evening of prayer and contemplation.


The local Plod heave themselves out of their stripy cocoons and swarm down urine scented alleyways, then all is quiet; what could they be searching for at this time of the evening and who is so dangerous that he requires three vans to bring him in; is it a drugs raid, or are they searching for the elusive crooner and Ripon Mare Andrew (Andy) Williams?  Williams, as you will know by now has been arrested, allegedly in connection with the disappearance of public funds (nicking dosh) and yet he's still holding on to his shiny chain.

 You'd think, wouldn't you, that given the furore surrounding his arrest he would have immediately handed over the chains of office and stepped down from all public engagements but no! You can't get rid of (Andy) that easily. As the plod waddle up the wrong alley, Teflon (Andy) is no doubt cowering in the bushes awaiting the moment to slither back into the council chamber wearing an oleaginous smirk and the contents of his 'Mare's Dressing Up Box'. Imagine for a moment if you will, that (Andy) is innocent of the charge; that he is as pure in thought and deed as a new-born lamb gambolling in a Spring meadow: would it still not be the right thing to do to protect the office of Ripon Mare he professes to hold in such high esteem? As it is, he has not only tarnished the position by association with the charge, but also made it an object of derision. STEP DOWN NOW (Andy) limit the damage and do us all a favour.






Wednesday, 6 March 2013

"The Barracks are Closing, The Barracks are Closing!"



As someone so appositely observed recently: 'Ripon has long needed (and deserves) a kick up the arse'. Those of us on its periphery have watched it sliding slowly and inevitably into decline - shops closing at an alarming rate and morale plummeting. We have councillors too timid, stupid or self serving to realise that change is the only way forward, that doing nothing for many years has brought us to the dire situation we are in, yet fear of change has infected Ripon like a disease; it is a town wallowing in the 1950s.

Yes, we can sit back and blame Harrogate for the mess we're in and of course HBC is creaming off all funding and feathering their already opulent nest, you only had to witness their dazzling display of Christmas lights, compared to Ripon's four light bulbs and a cracker to realise that.  But what is the point in having a Ripon council at all if they do not have the insight, intelligence or eloquence to ensure Ripon gets its fair share, and indeed, now that it has slumped so far, MORE than its share? But most importantly, Ripon must be prepared to move forward and embrace change.


So what, if the army is pulling out? Ripon will no longer be a garrison town; GOOD! Does Richmond look more prosperous than Northallerton? And who in their right mind would wish to spend any more time than absolutely necessary in Catterick? The army's presence has done little to improve the quality of life in this town and it certainly hasn't saved it from economic collapse so perhaps their departure is the very kick up the arse it needs; it may even be the catalyst for regeneration - out with the old, in with the new.

So a fond farewell to the boys - missing you already!


Saturday, 8 December 2012

'I'm Doing The Right Thing', Says Christopher Ian's son

 In an exclusive interview with THE PUN, this week, Christopher Ian's son, owner of a Ripon fightclub nightclub, tells how he is helping to ensure that Anti Social Behaviour (ASB) could never happen at the renowned club.

I arrive in the early afternoon and I'm greeted by the Tall, sophisticated, terribly good looking and not in the least bit seedy figure of Christopher Ian's son, He is wearing a bespoke sweatshirt, trendy wrangler jeans & leather style shoes. He shows me round the club: "Of course we're very safety conscious here," he says, waving a long, finely manicured finger at the non slip carpet "Oh yes - the safety of my little soldiers is parachute." Beaming young staff are busy polishing glasses, dusting already spotless shelves & preparing for an evening of lighthearted fun. Christopher Ian's son beams back at them in a paternal way, "They all think I'm terribly good looking you know." But he says it in the most natural way, without a hint of conceit.

"What time does the club open," I ask.

"Oh, well if I can have two bites at the cherries I do: I have a feel for young people, so we like to greet the very young girls,  & boys of course, at about 6pm and I like to be hands on to make sure they have as lovely a time as possible, and then the bigger girls, and boys of course, arrive a little later. You see I wouldn't bother with this night club lark only the youngsters would have nowhere to go at night in their short skirts and lipstick and.......Anyway, I like to give them somewhere safe to "Chill" (He waves his fingers in the air) and I like to charge them very little money for their drinks, because I'm terribly kind.....and good looking."

He shows me the toilets which have an indefinable aroma of nostalgia that takes me back to my school days; they are, of course immaculate - the floor still very wet; no doubt from the mop bucket......."You can eat your dinner off the floor in here if you'd like?" says Christopher Ian's son, "Err, no thanks, I've already eaten".

"Do you know," he says, "I don't think anyone's wee'd in here for years - they don't like to spoil it, the little angels, they all do it outside."

On the subject of the young: does he consider them to be disenfranchised?

"Sometimes it may happen outside the club," he says, "the local paper said a girl was being disenchanfrised behind a local restaurant," "but certainly never inside, we're very strict on that sort of thing."

I ask him about the new signage he's put up - what do they say?

"Well, they've got writing on them" he tells me "Writing and some ticks: it'll mean they don't go outside and fight and wee and be poorly all over the place see?"


Outside the club, Christopher Ian's son has erected some railings which he tells me are for leaning on and things like that; he is, he tells me, 'in loco parentheses' whilst the club is open, but he has some stern words for the youngster's parents: "They're feeding them badly," he says, "forcing them to eat vegetables and things like that; well it makes 'em sick. We try and give them plenty of liquids to settle their tummy's but it's the same every weekend - carrots everywhere. Of course, they don't do it in the club, bless 'em; they do it outside, but that's not the point is it? Parents should take responsibility........I'm doing the right thing."

Thursday, 11 October 2012

Does my head look big in this?

Another little spat has broken out on the social networking site, Twitter, between local MP Julian (Smiffy) Smith & Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dumb err - Councillor Stan Mickley & present Ripon Mare Andrew (Andy) Williams. 
Smiffy says 'NO! Stop prancing around in fancy dress and go and do something useful instead', but Coun Stick Manley is umm sticking to his guns and reckons that without the 'Emperor's clothes they will have no gravitas or authority - Yer right there Stick! 'Most people aren't as clever as what me and (Andy) are', said Mickley, 'they don't understand about politics and clever stuff like that, and feckless young people couldn't give a monkey's'.
Also interviewed by the Harrogate, Knareborough & Ripon Gazette (Andy) Williams said he intended to keep his important clothes because he is impotent and anyway he said, 'Me and Stan are forming a hymn singing combo with 33% ladies and we need to look smart'.



Thursday, 20 September 2012

Twits?

So Ripon City Council are now on Facebook and Twitter! A step in the right direction would you say? Perhaps it will be utilised as an open forum for debate - a place where the people of the town can air their views and get a response; or perhaps it will simply be yet another opportunity for councillors to post photos of themselves dressed up like a herd of pantomime dames (collective noun for pantomime dames?? A widow of dames - a twanky - a stage?). Of course, most people do use social media such as this for verbal twattery and posting pictures of themselves and friends looking ridiculous but since this is the default position of our esteemed (sic) council it would be nice to see them taking a new direction.

I've just had a comment from Anon asking is this a picture of the Ripon Mare. Don't be silly Anon - it looks nothing like the Mare; this is he: