Evening All

As the seasons change and winter breathes its last gasp; almost unnoticed on Kirkgate (Ripon's shambles) appear those brightly coloured harbingers of spring: the police van. Litter swirls in their wake and settles back onto the deserted street. It is early Friday evening. No-one is about to witness their arrival save a few hardened drinkers in the Royal Oak, the odd Hopperesque diner and Harbinger, wobbling back to the rank from an evening of prayer and contemplation.

The local Plod heave themselves out of their stripy cocoons and swarm down urine scented alleyways, then all is quiet; what could they be searching for at this time of the evening and who is so dangerous that he requires three vans to bring him in; is it a drugs raid, or are they searching for the elusive crooner and Ripon Mare Andrew (Andy) Williams?  Williams, as you will know by now has been arrested, allegedly in connection with the disappearance of public funds (nicking dosh) and yet he's still holding on to his shiny chain.

 You'd think, wouldn't you, that given the furore surrounding his arrest he would have immediately handed over the chains of office and stepped down from all public engagements but no! You can't get rid of (Andy) that easily. As the plod waddle up the wrong alley, Teflon (Andy) is no doubt cowering in the bushes awaiting the moment to slither back into the council chamber wearing an oleaginous smirk and the contents of his 'Mare's Dressing Up Box'. Imagine for a moment if you will, that (Andy) is innocent of the charge; that he is as pure in thought and deed as a new-born lamb gambolling in a Spring meadow: would it still not be the right thing to do to protect the office of Ripon Mare he professes to hold in such high esteem? As it is, he has not only tarnished the position by association with the charge, but also made it an object of derision. STEP DOWN NOW (Andy) limit the damage and do us all a favour.

Nothing Wrong With A Good Old Fashioned Bit Of GBH', says local plod

You'll be relieved to hear that the Ripon Plod are in full support of violence and Anti Social Behaviour in our local fightclub; Harbinger's interview with Inspector Plod of Ripon constabulary:

  'ASB 'appens in every town in the country', Insp Plod tells me, 'and there's no reason why Ripon can't 'ave its fair share. 'If we stay well clear of the Matrix, especially at kicking out time it means we can sit in the station an' drink coffee an' play Monopoly an' not have to do writin' an' stuff like that. We might even have a mini Brixton or Toxteth which would be great 'cause I might get in the paper an' stuff, there used to get a lot of moaning from shopkeepers around the Matrix about blood on the street and vomit and wee wee, but now they've all closed down so it's great! We can drive around in our police cars and not have to get out, and then there's the road sweeper - he'd have nothing to do on a Sunday morning if he wasn't sweeping up sick and broken glass an' stuff, an' nurses at the hospital need to practice bandaging an' fightin' off drunk people who want to get at their knickers, so you see we 'ave what we in the force call a win win situation, which means that we win and then, err, we win again.

New mayor and mayoress celebrate.

As you will no doubt be aware the PUN was unable to bring you coverage of the mayor making and subsequent parade (I know how disappointed you must be) but fear not: Harbinger is indebted to a very kind reader who modestly wishes to remain anonymous for the following couple of pictures taken during the celebrations immediately after the parade.

Here Dave and Sylv toast their supporters with a well deserved drink

and here Dave shows his exuberance and pleasure at being elected once again.

We got a quick word with Dave on his way to Spar for some fags:
'I is like sweepin oop the world like. Could be Dannin Street fo me an' Sylv next innit! We's goina be in assisa parlimen yeah?'

Youthful Mayor Elect Says "I'll Put Ripon First."