Mr Stanley (Mad) Mackintosh (Independent, Conservative, Liberal, Democrat, Socialist, Communist, Nationalist, Moronist) held a supporter’s party at his home today ahead of the elections in June. After the party I interviewed him:
Harbinger: ‘How did the party go Mad Mac?’
Mad Mac: ‘It was a great success; I spoke for a very long time on one subject and I was enthralled in fact I.........’
Harbinger: ‘Weren’t you at all disappointed at the rather low turnout – the fact that no-one came?’
Mad Mac: ‘Not at all, that’s the way I like it - it’s not often I get to listen to myself for such a very long and interesting period without someone interrupting, growing a beard or slipping into a coma. Let me tell you.......'
Harbinger: ‘The 2005 election when you ran on the Independent ticket must have been a bitter blow?’
Mad Mac: ‘Well I didn’t quite win if that’s what you mean?’
Harbinger: ‘You came last!’
Mad Mac: ‘Well technically, yes but you see it could have been worse; if you take into accou………………….
Harbinger: ‘Worse than last?’
Mad Mac: ‘Ah well you see, I came last largely because of the number of votes cast. Had a very substantial number of people cast their votes in a completely different way it is conceivable that I would have won by a landslide majority; especially when you take into account that one of my opponents was in fact, a Sainsbury’s chicken salad sandwich. Now, there was a huge swing in my favour of 800% over the previous election in which I didn’t stand. There are, of course numerous other factors that should be considered when assessing my performance comparative to………………………
It was at this point that Harbinger dozed off and he is now recovering in the psychiatric unit at Harrogate General.
Harbinger: ‘How did the party go Mad Mac?’
Mad Mac: ‘It was a great success; I spoke for a very long time on one subject and I was enthralled in fact I.........’
Harbinger: ‘Weren’t you at all disappointed at the rather low turnout – the fact that no-one came?’
Mad Mac: ‘Not at all, that’s the way I like it - it’s not often I get to listen to myself for such a very long and interesting period without someone interrupting, growing a beard or slipping into a coma. Let me tell you.......'
Harbinger: ‘The 2005 election when you ran on the Independent ticket must have been a bitter blow?’
Mad Mac: ‘Well I didn’t quite win if that’s what you mean?’
Harbinger: ‘You came last!’
Mad Mac: ‘Well technically, yes but you see it could have been worse; if you take into accou………………….
Harbinger: ‘Worse than last?’
Mad Mac: ‘Ah well you see, I came last largely because of the number of votes cast. Had a very substantial number of people cast their votes in a completely different way it is conceivable that I would have won by a landslide majority; especially when you take into account that one of my opponents was in fact, a Sainsbury’s chicken salad sandwich. Now, there was a huge swing in my favour of 800% over the previous election in which I didn’t stand. There are, of course numerous other factors that should be considered when assessing my performance comparative to………………………
It was at this point that Harbinger dozed off and he is now recovering in the psychiatric unit at Harrogate General.
Tomorrow Harbinger interviews Dave Parnaby on his mayoral role
.jpg)
2 comments:
Well done Harbinger. Don't let the silly old sod win.
Scurrilous.
Post a Comment