Day Off

Phew it was a scorcher! Harbinger took the day off from harbinging yesterday, donned the black leathers and headed for the coast, what a day I had: fish and chips in a turbulent sea of non brewed condiment, a chemically enhanced ice cream, crab sandwiches, whelks, even donkey rides - MAN THEY ARE HEAVY!

Scarborough was, and still is, one of the great seaside resorts. Sure you can be sniffy about the place - tattoos and the ubiquitous VPL, but it has a soul, a quintessential northern comfort zone. And it is fun!

Oh! I saw a couple of motorcycle lads from the Ripon area whilst there. I don't think they recognised me (my hair was a bit of a mess after the ride) but I hope you had as good a day as me.

Latest Release

The long awaited new album from Ripon crooner Andrew (Andy) Williams is on release. Featuring the classic 'Love Me Like A Man' a song (Andy) has made his own, the album marks a turning point in (Andy's) career focusing as it does on......well.....(Andy).

(Andy) will be touring the country looking for a venue that will have him and ticket sales are unexpected.

The album is available at the incredible price of 42p or is free with any pack of two earplugs at Boots or Superdrug.

Other featured favourites are:

So How Come No One Loves Me

Me Myself I

Friendless Departure

Pretty Vacant

and the much covered

You've Got Me Under Your Skin

Success!

Propaganda surrounding the West of Market Place development (or Market Gate as it has inexplicably come to be called) is well orchestrated in the local press, but as is often the case with propaganda, somewhat fanciful!
In late April, Maple Grove Developments said that the success of the scheme had “surpassed all expectations”. This may well be the case but if it is, then expectations must have been positively subterranean. The opening of Booths has been delayed, the other units are still empty, and Harbinger hears that much of the lauded residential development aimed at ‘young professionals and downsizing couples looking to take advantage of city centre amenities’, has allegedly been sold off to a housing association!

Boobies

‘Artist’ David Stead’s letter to the Gazette (May 22nd) which we like to think was inspired by the PUN’s own article ‘Who Are They Watching’ (April 22nd) finally elicited a waffling reply to the paper from Harrogate Borough Council last week.
The reply, from Coun Les Ellington states that: CCTV cameras have not breached privacy’, that ‘Under no circumstances would a camera be directed into a window’. And that: ‘If Mr Stead still has concerns, we would welcome him giving us specific times, dates and locations and we would be happy to investigate’.
The information asked for is available on this site along with relevant photographs and if Mr Stead wishes to use this information in his reply Harbinger would have no objection.

Perhaps the camera operator is an ornithologist and was admiring a rare kind of Booby.

Thanks Gordon!

Aye, thanks to Mr Broon we now have a democratically elected fascist representing us in Brussels. Andrew Brons, who was elected as a member of the European Parliament for Yorkshire and the Humber last week not only represents the British National Party, he is also a former leader of the National Front. It surely underlines the scale of disillusionment with Broon’s Labour party that the electorate would rather endorse a Nazi than back Labour’s candidate?

'But' I hear you say, 'He has a kind and gentle face, surely he's a nice man who simply got in with the wrong crowd?' Well, He certainly did that:

In October 1983, Brons was leading a group of NF supporters handing out leaflets in Leeds city centre who were heard shouting slogans including "white power" and "death to Jews". When a police officer asked the group to disperse, Brons called him an "inferior being".

Oh! and should you have missed his picture in the press, here's a picture of his boss, the contemptible BNP leader Nick Griffin MEP; surrounded by some of his pals. Big aren't they - we wonder why!

'Secret' Vineyard.

Customers of Great Northern Wine have been reporting wines of a younger, fresher nature of late and owner Mark Ryan has been tight lipped about their origins, muttering vagaries about ‘cooler climates’ and a ‘more northerly terroir’. But it was a report in this week’s Gazette that got Harbinger’s nose for a story twitching.
It was reported that Mr Ryan had joined forces with farmer, Tony Chapman to attempt to grow three varieties of grape in what the Gazette described as ‘a secret location’.
When the Gazette’s reporter asked Mr Ryan about the vineyard he attempted to play the whole thing down saying “It is not anticipated our vineyard will ever produce wine”, but Harbinger has, after exhaustive investigations, discovered the ‘secret location’.
Hidden in the countryside just outside Ripon, surrounded by a high fence and patrolled with dogs, the vineyard is in full production; a vast bottling plant stands nearby disguised as a carpet warehouse and trucks thunder along the narrow country lane bound for Mr Ryan’s establishment. Get yourself down there and bag a case or two of Château Ripon before the vintage sells out.

Knockout In The Twelfth, The 'Dream Team' Reign Supreme!

The Champ' In Buoyant Mood After The Fight. It came as no surprise to most that when it came to the final rounds, the challenger ‘Mad’ Mackintosh was found wanting. Lacking the experience of seasoned campaigner St Bernard, he punched himself out in the early stages, putting all his faith in the knockout ‘official complaint’. When this failed to materialise it was only a matter of time.
After the eleventh round knock down ‘Mad’ retired to his corner; some say the referee should have stopped it there, but Mad came out again for the twelfth.
The leaflets flew backwards and forwards but only those of the champion carried any real conviction and weight, St Bernard was a man possessed. ‘Skidders’ roared encouragement and instructions from the corner, Mrs St B. threw brickbats from ringside but there was really no need; the knockout blow when it came, was devastating......967 votes to 238!

My colleague managed to catch up with coach ‘Skidders’ after the fight:

Interviewer: ‘Skidders’, how do you read the later rounds?’

Skidders, ‘It was all over surprisin’ quick. My boy was hall over im, ee didn’t stand a chance’.

Interviewer: ‘And what’s next for the champ?’

Skidders: ‘Eees goin’ to ave an hoperation, then the world is is hoister.’

Interviewer: ‘When he woke up, the challenger was talking of a re-match, would you consider it?’

Skidders: ‘My boy as nuffin to prove, ees the reignin champ, but if ‘Mad’s’ still haround in four years; whell, whe’d ave to see….’

Interviewer: Skidders, thank you’.

LATEST NEWS FROM RINGSIDE

So here I am as promised to bring you the latest news from ringside: and it’s looking like a triumph for the ‘Dream Team’ of St Bernard and coach, ‘Skidders’ Skidmore.
Early rounds seemed to be going to ‘Mad’ Mackintosh with a couple of well timed letters to the Council’s Complaint Sub-Committee getting past St. Bernard’s guard, but as the rounds progressed ‘Mad’ became more and more scrappy and was warned several times for hitting below the belt.

The warnings went unheeded and in the seventh, ‘Mad’ was required to take a standing ten count for unseemly gloating. Still the low blows came in the form of emails and letters but they were badly aimed. Skidders advice from the corner was sound: ‘Keep yer guard up……stay off the ropes’.

Then, in the eleventh, the Sub committee found ‘No Action Required’ and ‘Mad’ hit the canvas like a sack of Maris Pipers. He took an eight count and just made it to his feet before the bell. As I speak, his corner are working frantically to staunch the flow from several nasty looking paper cuts.

They may throw the towel in.......He may make the final round.........The crowd are on their feet..... ‘St Bernard, St Bernard’ they chant. Is there any stopping ‘THE DREAM TEAM’? We’ll find out in the twelfth………..

St. Bernard

One of our frequent contributers tells me that well known all in wrestler St Bernard goes in to hospital today for an op', so best wishes and a speedy recovery to him.

Harping On!

It's an evening so hot that the obelisk has begun to melt. Warm, sunny day follows warm sunny day and the cretins allow the market place, OUR market place, Ripon's best feature (the cathedral has overly religious connotations and no parking!) to remain empty. No cafes, no bars, no fun. Dumb asses!

Buns!

The building of the new Booths store has undoubtedly had a devastating effect upon small businesses in the vicinity – Davill’s of Westgate being only the latest to close - and as the store prepares to open there will almost certainly be more casualties. Booths retail strategy is clearly an aggressive one despite all the soft soap hype and their target market is that occupied at present by small retail outlets in the town. However, it is not enough simply to lay the blame at Booths door, nor that of the highways dept for the undeniable cock-up they’ve made of the road system. All businesses need to move with the times in order to succeed and a new strategy will be necessary to ensure their survival. We live in a Free Range, Organic, Continental Market world (witness the queues at the French Market bread stall) and you can be sure that Booths will cater to those needs so trying to sell 1970s throwback cakes is – has proven to be – a recipe for disaster.

P.S. It's surprising what you find when you google 'buns'!!

Dereliction of Duty

In a rare burst of eloquence last week David ‘Dave’ Parnaby proclaimed (and Harbinger thinks it might have been a prepared statement):

"In this present economic climate, it's essential we keep Ripon looking attractive because if we allow it to become run down – as so many market towns have – it will die, innit?

Take a look around you Dave!

Jesus Lives!

It’s a scary sight as it stands: a page and a half of mug shots of our prospective county councillors gurning into the camera in an attempt to appear sincere, trustworthy and in some cases indeed, sane! They’re all in the Ripon Gazette today: St Bernard, ‘Earringed’ Sid Hawke, ‘ZzzzzStockdale.
‘Mad’ Mackintosh is there and local crooner Andrew ‘Andy’ Williams manages to look at once oleaginous and psychopathic. Last and undoubtedly least comes Althea (No profile or picture supplied) Farmer who seems to have thrown in the blood reddened Labour towel before the first vote has been cast.
More worrying than the cirque communale is our unseemly haste to don the costumes of Tin Man, Scarecrow et al and skip down the Yellow Brick Road to the Emerald City of American political absurdity. When did religious fanaticism slink across the pond and worm its way into European politics?
Half a dozen candidates for European parliamentary election are hanging from the -Christian Party “Proclaiming Christ’s Lordship” – cross. Are there not enough fairy stories in politics already without introducing this nonsense into the arena? Never forget that their ‘Lord’ cast the money lenders from the temple, so let us hope we never have to rely on the Christian Party for a sound fiscal policy; we could find ourselves casting a fond look back at the ‘Broon’ years.
Still, now the temple is clear of money lenders there’ll be plenty of room for ‘Dave’s’ Parking Solution #1 – the lord works in mysterious ways!

'Dave' Parnaby's parking solutions #2

The long and sometimes bitter row over the future of the Spa Baths could at last be at an end. The proposals for the future use of the grade two listed building have been many and varied and until the latest brilliant plan, the most likely use was to be conversion into flats.

Ripon is fortunate indeed to have the calibre of people to come up with such imaginative and innovative ideas. But amongst this glittering intellectual firmament a still brighter light shines forth and his name is 'Dave'.

Yes, we could improve the existing swimming facilities. Yes, we could create a cinema or theatre, but alongside 'Dave's' plan these ideas are crass and mundane: we can, he says, build a car park!

The details of construction will naturally be left to the lesser, yet still formidable minds of the Harrogate Council planning dept but here we have a sneak preview of how the interior may look:

Clean Sweep

'Earringed' Sid Hawke is running for council - he wants to represent us all by cleaning up the city and getting his hands dirty!
He wants to clean up the river, rid us of graffiti, monitor and empty dog bins and clear up dog 'mess'.

We think he's ideally suited to the job:

All the fun of the fair!

It might be thought by some of you that Harbinger is a bit of a fuddy-duddy, a bit of a stick in the mud, a spoilsport, a curmudgeon. So just to prove you wrong here I am enjoying a weekend of chavdom and fun at the fair. And what a weekend it is – I’ve rarely seen such accurate spitting, the groping of chavettes has been exemplary and the streets now have a non-stick coating of gum (so much safer for the infirm). So, let’s hear it for the council who’ve brought us this treat once again Hip hip……………

'Dave' Parnaby's Parking Solutions #1

New mayor is to solve Ripon's parking problems:

Councillor David (Dave) Parnaby's parking proposal to council this week has all the hallmarks of a winner - with very little external alteration Ripon cathedral is to be put to far better use as a multi-storey car park. The west front will be left intact with the main entrance on Minster Road and the crypt will be converted to toilet and baby changing facilities . Drive-in services will take place twice a day (sung evensong) and revenue from drive-thru weddings (up to twenty a day) will be split equally between church and council.

New mayor and mayoress celebrate.

As you will no doubt be aware the PUN was unable to bring you coverage of the mayor making and subsequent parade (I know how disappointed you must be) but fear not: Harbinger is indebted to a very kind reader who modestly wishes to remain anonymous for the following couple of pictures taken during the celebrations immediately after the parade.

Here Dave and Sylv toast their supporters with a well deserved drink

and here Dave shows his exuberance and pleasure at being elected once again.

We got a quick word with Dave on his way to Spar for some fags:
'I is like sweepin oop the world like. Could be Dannin Street fo me an' Sylv next innit! We's goina be in assisa parlimen yeah?'

WE'RE BACK AND ON THE GAZETTE'S FRONT PAGE!!

In a bizarre turn of events the PUN finds itself on the front page of the GAZETTE this week but the fact that we can report on it shows they are a little behind the news....Keep up boys!

Ah well done lads - no flies on the Ripon News Hounds!
http://www.ripongazette.co.uk/ripon/Satirical-blog-is-resurrected.5294422.jp

Harbinger would like to thank everyone who gave their support during our brief closedown; particularly those who commented (almost 50 of you in the end).

Harbinger Interviews 'Mad' Mackintosh

Mr Stanley (Mad) Mackintosh (Independent, Conservative, Liberal, Democrat, Socialist, Communist, Nationalist, Moronist) held a supporter’s party at his home today ahead of the elections in June. After the party I interviewed him:

Harbinger: ‘How did the party go Mad Mac?’
Mad Mac: ‘It was a great success; I spoke for a very long time on one subject and I was enthralled in fact I.........’
Harbinger: ‘Weren’t you at all disappointed at the rather low turnout – the fact that no-one came?’
Mad Mac: ‘Not at all, that’s the way I like it - it’s not often I get to listen to myself for such a very long and interesting period without someone interrupting, growing a beard or slipping into a coma. Let me tell you.......'
Harbinger: ‘The 2005 election when you ran on the Independent ticket must have been a bitter blow?’
Mad Mac: ‘Well I didn’t quite win if that’s what you mean?’
Harbinger: ‘You came last!’
Mad Mac: ‘Well technically, yes but you see it could have been worse; if you take into accou………………….
Harbinger: ‘Worse than last?’
Mad Mac: ‘Ah well you see, I came last largely because of the number of votes cast. Had a very substantial number of people cast their votes in a completely different way it is conceivable that I would have won by a landslide majority; especially when you take into account that one of my opponents was in fact, a Sainsbury’s chicken salad sandwich. Now, there was a huge swing in my favour of 800% over the previous election in which I didn’t stand. There are, of course numerous other factors that should be considered when assessing my performance comparative to………………………

It was at this point that Harbinger dozed off and he is now recovering in the psychiatric unit at Harrogate General.

Tomorrow Harbinger interviews Dave Parnaby on his mayoral role

'Mad' Mackintosh

The PUN is intended to make a valuable, if satirical, contribution to the political life of Ripon – to encourage lively and irreverent debate. As editor I have chosen to publish via the internet and there (for the time being) it should remain. Mr Stanley Mackintosh has chosen to appropriate my writings and use them to his own political ends by publishing them in his window and to ignore a request to remove them. Until such time as they are removed I have reluctantly decided to take the PUN out of circulation.

Harbinger.

I regret to say that I have been forced to change the access settings for comments; it is now necessary to go through moderation. I am not in favour of censorship but when an individual uses this space as a soapbox to further promote his political views then as administrator it is time to take action. Mr Mackintosh it seems is hell bent on consigning the PUN to history and it may well be his only success of the year.

St Bernard ‘V’ ‘Mad’ Mackintosh Pre Fight Predictions

The long awaited and much talked about super-heavyweight fight between current champion and heavily fancied (St) Bernard Bateman of Melmerby and the little known, though some say ‘useful’ challenger ‘Mad’ Mackintosh of Kirkgate, Ripon takes place shortly. The match will be decided over several weeks with two stiff letters to the Gazette, six emails or an injunction deciding the winner.
Pre fight shenanigans have begun already with accusations of political misconduct being bandied about at the weigh-in, so it should be a great fight for the lucky ones who have managed to secure tickets for what is already a sell-out.
St Bernard is predicting an early win and the none too generous price of 1-3 currently being offered by Ladbrokes seems to confirm his view but of course there have been upsets in the past and the lesser known challenger certainly shouldn’t be written off and at 2-1 might make a more attractive bet.
Pundits are suggesting that the more experienced and heavier St Bernard should despatch the challenger within the first couple of rounds but others point out that ‘Mad’ is punching well above his weight and may well spring a surprise in the form of a cleverly addressed and well timed email.
Whatever the outcome you can be sure that the PUN will be at ringside to bring you the latest information.

Give it Larg for Dave

Excitement is building with only 3 days to go to the installation of Ripon’s new mayor David (Dave) Parnaby at 11am on Monday. Here he is pictured with his ‘bitch’ or ‘mayoress’ Sylv' whilst trying on the chains of office in the town hall.

Interviewed afterwards Dave said:
“It’s top innit, I nearly add a art attack when they akst me again, we is boaf chuffed up man. Ooo knows…could be assa commons next!”

Mastication Crack Down

Ripon Area Business Association (RABABABA) recently held a Ripon Retail Forum (RRF-FFS) in order to improve Ripon’s performance in the retail market place. They have, it seems, a dream of Utopia – a dream of shining streets, of gleaming shops, of prisoners in striped suits buffing away at the town hall knob! Many of the ideas are laudable, if a little obvious; some are plain farcical.
I think my favourite is the ‘Ban on chewing gum in the city centre’.
I can see the court round up now:
P.C. Mindless said: Oi was proceeding in a westerly doirection when oi observed the defendant masticatin’ in a suspicious manner. Oi could see no pastie about his person so challenged ‘im and upon searchin’ ‘im discovered ‘e was ‘carryin’. That is to say ‘e was found to be in possession of Wrigley’s in a prohibited area yer worshipfulness.

The defendant was described as a persistent and unrepentant offender….magistrate Col’ Spreading-Girth said: “This is the third time you have been before me and taking two related offences in to account – one of reading comical literature in Westgate Ripon, the other of humming tunes by the popular musical combo Radiohead whilst sitting on a bench in the market square – I have no alternative other than to recommend a custodial sentence of not less than ten years. TAKE HIM DOWN!”
Of course, once in prison he can be let out to join the town hall doorknob polishing party, or indeed, the chewing gum removal party.

The new season's range of couture clothing has arrived at 'Ripon's Own Department Store'

Here, Mr Ripon wears a pure polyester sports jacket over black velvet trousers, teamed with a lovely off-white nylon shirt from the ‘Wrinkle Free’ range.

Mrs Ripon (Rita) who chooses all his clothes said “I like him to look smart when he’s in’t shop, it sets such a good example doesn’t it? TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS MR R!”

The new range, available from this weekend, can be viewed at the store from 9 – 5 and as always you can rely on the Ripons to bring that special 70s retro look to the displays, stripping away all superfluous chic.

A Savory Is Born

Every year a saviour comes to Ripon on a white horse. He comes to save our souls and his name is St Wilfrid – or it might just be Bomber! It can only be a month or so before another blessed saviour comes to town on his white charger this time allegedly to save our city from the economic quagmire; it is of course Edwin J Booth – though he may just come in his Bentley!
How he is going to pull off this remarkable feat we cannot say. Suffice it to say there are many members of our councils, both parish and borough, who are utterly confident that this is the case.
Booths supermarkets' target group is the middle class shopper - the kind of people who drink wine regularly, people who at present, use the local butchers and delicatessen. Booths have clearly demonstrated by their actions that they care not one iota for the future of their trading neighbours in Ripon and for those traders the future looks bleak indeed.

Who Are They Watching?

It is an unpleasant and unnerving thought that we might be watched by complete strangers as we go about our daily lives. Of course we are all accustomed to the
proliferation of surveillance cameras in the UK and this has given rise to comparisons with Big Brother – CCTV in our streets and shopping arcades, in shops, on police vehicles and ‘body worn’ cameras on the police themselves. But is it all being done for benign reasons of public safety and crime prevention and where are we safe from the state’s prying eye?

You would think, would you not, that the answer would unquestionably be in your own home, but here in Ripon at least, this may not be the case.
Harbinger would like to know why at 08.50 on the 22nd April this surveillance camera appears to be pointing directly into the upstairs (bedroom?) windows of the apartment opposite. The camera remained at this angle for at least 15 minutes and then turned to face up the street.

The Human Rights Act states: CCTV operators must be fully aware and signed up to the system Codes of Practice and Procedures, including matters relating to Human Rights, Data Protection, PACE Act 1984
It says: ‘Everyone has the right to respect for private and family life, his home and his correspondence’. And further: ‘All surveillance carried out must be ‘necessary in a democratic society’.

There may of course be a perfectly innocent explanation for this but if this were my bedroom, or worse, that of my teenage daughter I would be feeling rightly indignant and would, under those circumstances seek to identify who is responsible for this gross infringement of privacy and human rights.

Come on Harrogate Council: explain yourselves.

Market Square Madness

What a delight it is to see our lovely Ripon market place used, as it should be, for a market. The visiting continental market has used the space wonderfully and Riponians are wandering about enjoying the space at last. The market square could be used every day for all sorts of events and markets; sadly however this is unlikely to last as the cretins will soon have it tarmaced over and the cars all over it once again. "Get out of the way, we don't want you people here, this is a car park."

St Bernard Bateman and climbing partner Don (Whillans) Grundy, moments after their successful attempt on Duck Hill (North Face).

St Bernard led the first pitch from base camp at ‘The Deli’ in an audacious ‘Alpine Style’ assault; this included the first of two challenging traverses. Having set up a hanging belay at the bottom of the ‘Difficult Steps’ he allows the immensely experienced ‘Don’ to lead through the gruelling and technically demanding second pitch

“ It wasn’t easy”, said Don “ after yesterday’s rain some of the steps were greasy but my crampons eventually found grip and I mantleshelved out and set up the second hanging belay to bring St Bernard up”.

The pair completed the infamous ‘Difficult Steps’ in record time despite the prevailing conditions only leaving the final, and most dangerous pitch – the Kirkgate Traverse – to St Bernard.

The crossing of Kirkgate can be incredibly dangerous due to signage suggesting an absence of traffic but “thanks to the incompetence of Harrogate council's parking dept' one can be mown down at any time” said St Bernard “and that’s the way we like it – fast and dangerous!” Astonishingly the Kirkgate Traverse was achieved without mishap and the triumphant pair gained the summit (known as 'The Chair') and planted the traditional flag of victory before the weather began to close in and it started to spit.

Youthful Mayor Elect Says "I'll Put Ripon First."

George Pickles: A Very Naughty Boy.

I really can't be bothered with this silly little story, and yet it seems to have grabbed the headlines in the Gazette for weeks now.
So, the hornblower George Pickles has had an official reprimand from our esteemed Mayor 'earinged' Sid Hawke for 'attending events without official permission' and 'communicating with the press'. Perhaps Mr Pickles should restrict himself to his original remit in which case I shall expect to see him patrolling the town in the early hours in order to ensure we all sleep safe in our beds.
I suppose it is indicative of a wider stupidity, arrogance and insularity on the part of many members of our council though why we should be suprised at this defeats me.

'Chance For Ripon To Shine' Squeaks the Gazette.

In what the paper describes, somewhat over grandiosely, as ‘a top level business seminar’ councillors, business leaders, tourist chiefs (whatever and whomsover they might be) and David Curry MP spent a morning cocooned in the opulent splendour (sic) of the Spa Hotel discussing Ripon’s future.
Seizing the opportunity presented by the opening of Booths supermarket this summer appears to be the message they are promulgating. Well, Harbinger would like to know exactly what opportunity this might be, other than for Mr Booth himself to make a great deal of money at the expense of existing traders. Unless we are careful we will all, inevitably find ourselves shopping there, because many of the shops we know and love will not be equipped to compete and will close.

‘Ripon must tidy itself up’ so said former Business Woman of the Year Judith Donovan; how right you are Judith! So who is going to talk to the likes of W.H. Smiths and get them to do something about the disgraceful state of their premises and who is going to compel Mr Michael Hutchinson (right) to clean up the premises he owns in the town and allows to fall into disrepair?

Yes, it’s all well and good holding ‘top level’ seminars but what action will we see?

Yoof (addendum)

Hawke and I'Anson the 'brains'
behind Matrix under 18s night Ripon’s sticky floored Matrix was once again the venue for an under 18s club night last night. The ‘brainchild’ of Mayor Sid Hawke and ‘fully supported’ by night club owner Chris I’Anson (well it would be wouldn’t it?) these evenings have been hailed by the pair as ‘a great success’..…Really! And exactly what criteria are they using to gauge this success?
Once again last night the police control unit was parked in the market square and by 7.30pm there was a disproportionately large police presence outside the club including a police car, a police van, eight or ten police officers and judging by the hysterical shrieking of 'you can fuck off, You can FUCK OFF' a young lady was about to be taken into Her Majesty's care for the remainder of the evening. Who knows what had brought her to this emotional state but it may be, of course that someone was cheating during the 'Pass the Parcel'.
We see no reason why the already stretched tax payer should have to foot the bill in order to boost the profits at Mr I’Anson’s tacky establishment, nor do we see why children as young as 13 years of age should be exposed to the appalling language and behaviour that takes place with depressing regularity both inside and outside the club.

And here's the scene at 7.30pm:

Daniel Hannan Speech

Here's something a little less parochial: this is one of the most devastating speeches I've had the pleasure of watching since the heady days of William Haig's leadership of the Tory party.

Winpenny wins over shortsighted council

So, a row has broken out about the cabmen’s shelter in the market square. David winpenny, chairman of Ripon Civic Society has apparently had the thing listed; well good for him. “Because it is now a listed building it has more protection and the council is legally obliged to take care of it properly." He said.
It seems however that the council in their usual shortsighted way would rather do the job on the cheap (no surprise there!). Councillor Jeremy Banyard said it was a pity the civic society hadn’t worked with the council over the issue. What he means of course is it’s a pity they hadn’t toed the council line!

Yoof

“There’s nothing to do; I’m bored”. Such has been the mantra of the teenager since God was in short trousers, and as likely as not the response would be: “Well get out from under my feet and find something to do.” No longer it seems. We are now expected not only to find things for other people’s offspring to do, but to pay for it into the bargain.
The night club in our town was turned over to teenagers in the early part of last evening (nothing new there, the latter part of the evening is always turned over to teenagers) though they were prevented from drinking alcohol on the premises. I imagine it was a scheme to give their livers a rest since weekend evenings usually end for many of them either in the back of a police van having given their best mate’s head a kicking for looking at their girlfriend, or semi-conscious in a pool of vomit and urine in a shop doorway.
Anyway, the first I knew of this event was when we went into town for an early evening drink and found the place teeming with police; there was even a mobile incident unit in the market square! What the hell sort of a message are we sending to these kids – you’re all so big and dangerous we need the riot squad to control you? They are still children; if they misbehave then give them a talking to, call their parents to come and get them, ban them from future events but do NOT aggrandise their silly behaviour by laying on a madly disproportionate police presence.The police tell us that they will not monitor community events such as local parades, sporting events etc. for lack of funding, and yet they will squader vast amounts of tax payers money policing a children’s party!